In 2019, we were awarded a generous funding by the Oil and Gas Technology Centre in the United Kingdom to create a software solution. After many years of working in the maritime, oil and gas industry I discovered a problem with organisational communication. After reading through some thirty one thousand safety reports (31K) and conducting an ethnography of meetings in various offices around the world, I came to realise that much of the communication does not make space for a conversation. While communication is often one-way traffic, a conversation gives everyone the opportunity to share their concerns and ideas. Whereas communication involves exchange of data (or information), the aim was to understand the hidden meaning and power in the language of the communication (i.e. discourse) and make a deliberate shift from communication towards peer-to-peer conversations.
The software solution was intended to turn vertical reporting into a software solution that would allow peer to peer conversations.
In two years of working with four reputed companies from around the world, we could only manage to get 12 reports from the people on the frontline and in almost all instances, an open and transparent reporting of the concerns of the employees did not go well for the management. It was a failure, but one that taught me a powerful lesson. In fact two. No. 1, the belief that technology can solve the problems of the human race is utterly naive. And no. 2 that we grossly underestimate the power of discourse within any organisation or social setting.
Sellers, Yellers and Tellers
As we were beginning to understand the patterns in the discourse, an interesting theme was starting to emerge. Hidden in the discourse is a tendency amongst people in position of power to sell, yell and tell when they communicate with their colleagues and co-workers. Here are some thoughts.
Sellers
Sellers have an inflated sense of their ideas and solutions. They have worked out their solution even before engaging with the problem. Sellers come to a conversation with predetermined solution. Sellers will pretend to listen to you and others but as you speak they are working out how best to fit your problem with their services and solutions. If their solutions don’t fit with your problem, you need to rethink the problem. Sellers don’t really care what new risk their solutions will create. They just want to fix the problem at hand. Sellers also share something very unique. They will hijack your ideas and make it their own story. They would often start by saying, ‘that’s a big problem’ and then say, ‘look, that’s how I solve it.’ In the end, it’s only the seller who has the solution. The seller is the hero. The painful realisation that it was a wrong solution often comes to the surface long after the implementation but by that time the seller has disappeared from the horizon.
Yellers
Unlike sellers, yellers are not as interested in selling their ideas. Yellers are motivated by power and authority; they seek total and absolute obedience. Like Donald Trump, yellers work with a simple philosophy in life, you are either their friend or you are their enemy. If there’s one thing that yellers cannot stand is being asked an open question. Ask them questions but only those that they would like to answer. Faced with difficult questions, yellers will go to any extent to dehumanise the person who asks them the question. Yellers can be TAP (total authoritarian personality).
Tellers
Tellers are not seeking money or power. Tellers simply want to talk. Tellers will often jump into a conversation to seek attention. ‘Look at me please, I’m here’. Tellers don’t have a high self-esteem and once they begin to speak, they do not know when to stop, or if others are even listening to their ramble. Long ago, when I was a junior officer on a ship, I had a senior officer who would patiently wait for me to pass by his cabin after my watch so he could catch me and talk. Tellers can be boring, inconsistent and incoherent when they talk often jumping abruptly from one topic to another.
Why does this matter?
Through this project, I came to realise something powerful about the lost art of conversations. If we observe the hidden discourse in our conversations (both online and when we meet in person) we will find varied versions of SYTs everywhere. SYTs have taken away from us the fun and spontaneity in an open conversation. We are losing the art of speaking, listening and meeting with our fellows and friends.
Many years ago, when I first came to the UK, I was fascinated by two contrasting symbols – the number of coffee shops and bars and on the other hand, clocks mounted on the churches everywhere. If you travel to the East, you will hardly notice clocks and when I left home in 1990a we did not have the culture of Cafes. The symbol of a clock mounted on the Church steeples reminds us of the finite nature of our time. The clock represents the importance of being punctual, disciplined, obedient and efficient in pursuit of a good life.
The cafes and the pubs, on the other hand, symbolise the importance of slowing down and taking the time to reflect, socialise and foster relationships. The cafes and the pubs reminds us not to become overly pre-occupied with the efficiency narrative. We tend to forget that some of the most important decisions in life, both personal and professional, are often made in cafes and pubs when we connect with others and have conversations.
Our world is increasingly becoming full of SYTs (both online and offline). Of course, we must learn to be efficient in our everyday interactions. But at the same time we should also create some rituals of conversations. We do not have to sell all the time, it’s not always about winning and it shouldn’t always be about our own needs. Sometimes it is ok for us to suspend our agendas, ask open questions, understand different viewpoints and attend to the others.
